Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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