Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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