My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
