Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
