Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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