Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
