No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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