she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
