I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
