In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
