Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
