I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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