Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
