We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
