I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
