are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
