The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
