she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
