Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
