We're facebook friends in real life
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
