Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
