She's JV to your varsity
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
