I wish I could punch you in the face.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
