id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
