the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm like, not good at living.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
