I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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