the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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