She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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