It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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