U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
