You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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