i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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