remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
