He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
