Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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