just survived the first fart of the relationship.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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