Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
