He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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