Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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