i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
