And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
