grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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