remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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