this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
