I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
