Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
