I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
