Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
