dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
