im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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