So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
