i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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