im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
