so explain again why im purple
no
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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