He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
