I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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