look no pants
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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