So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm really busy with my period
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