A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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